Yesterday's Feelings
by brittninja
Summary: Drabbles about Remus trying to fight with himself to be with Tonks and coping with the pain of being without her. No set time line
1. Misery

He never felt lips like her before.  
Soft, small, and hesitant.  
And he never wanted to feel anyone else's.  
'But that was a long time ago,' he thought sadly. This was now and if he was going to make it until tomorrow he needed to stop thinking like that. He forehead was plastered onto the window looking out at the quarter moon. 'If only.' He removed his forehead grabbing the firewhisky bottle that sat beside him. Empty. Then looking about he realized he had drained all of the bottles. Carefully swaggering and swaying he made his way to his bed and collapsed on top of the sheets. 'If only we were together.' was he last thought before passing into dream land.

A/N: They are short because its a bunch of drabbles in no certain order put together. Oh and the lips idea came from V for Vendetta :.


	2. Breathing

He breathed.  
She breathed.

The clock was ticking somewhere in the next room and that was the only things he heard throughout the unusually quiet house. He mulled over the impossibility of this, but she had to be really there...he felt her breathing and could smell her pink hair. He was sure this wasn't a dream. How did things turn out this way? He moved his hand in circles on her back. She let out a content sigh and he snuggled closer. There was no other place he'd rather be.

He breathed.  
She breathed.  
They breathed.


	3. Losing

He has lost Sirius twice.

How much more pain could he bear? He choked on the cold tea he had made rather shakily earlier. Why was he the only one left? He felt like his heart had finally been smashed to nothing. How could he ever love again? He didn't want to lose anyone else. If only she were there with him everything would be a little better, but she was at St. Mungo's getting better he told himself, because he had almost lost her to. He wobbled over to the couch sliding the blanket off the arm. It was her blanket. He gripped it tightly next to him wishing it was her there with him instead of her blanket. Then he remembered how he almost lost her too. A few tears finally made their way down his cheek and he inhaled quickly.

He missed them.


	4. Old

A/N: Sorry it took so long... I seriously think I'm ADD cause I get interrupted and then I forget to finish.

He missed those wonderful days when it was just him and his friends leisurely enjoying each others company. Looking outside he saw a flash of red hair and black and for a second he thought it would be Lily and James, but he then realized it was just Harry and Ginny running from the twins who were throwing snowballs at the mercilessly. The longer he watch the more people appeared out of seemingly nowhere and longed to be out there being carefree. He felt his heart skip a beat as he watched Nymphadora run up to the back porch laughing and sitting down. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold and she pulled her jacket more securely around herself. She looked breathtaking he thought and afterwards felt ridiculous and berated himself for thinking of her in that way i again /i . He suddenly got up from his chair and grabbed his coat of the coat rack and slipped it on while walking through the back door. He instantly felt the coldness cling to his body through his worn out jacket and took a seat next to her.

"Enjoying the weather?" he asked receiving a smile from her.

"Wotcher Remy and yes its beautiful out here today." she replied leaning back in her chair and sighing. He loved when she used nicknames. He remembered her on occasions testing out different things to call him and settled on two other ones as well. He even went as far as making his own few for her and sometimes she would reprimand him for it, but she said it so lightly that he didn't pay attention to it in the slightest.

"How have you been Dora?" He asked casting a glance in her direction.

"I've been well. A lot of work at the office lately as you know. This is actually one of the first days I've been off in two weeks." she answered taking off her purple scarf [which matched her hair and wrapping it around his neck against his protest. "Trying to bring a little color into your wardrobe." She gave a heart melting laugh and leaned closer. "How have you been?"

He was silent for a moment trying to collect his thoughts and not lose himself to her apple fragrance and proximity.

"I-I've been fine just helping around the house and doing Order work." he managed to stumble out. Remus suddenly then understood what James had felt like around Lily.

"That sounds nice. Which speaking of the Order reminds me that we both have duty together tomorrow night."

"Yes of course. Get well rested would you though? I'd hate to have my partner on the verge of passing out."

"Aww Remy I know you want to feel me up whilst I sleep so you don't have to lie." she replied eyes twinkling with mischief. He almost choked and gave a sputtered chuckled instead.

"I-I erm.. No!" Remus' blushed increased a little and Nymphadora almost fell out of her seat laughing and held onto his arm.

"I was just kidding silly. I know you would never try anything!"

"Ye-Yes of course." He immediately wish he could have handled that whole situation more suavely and quickly changed the subject to other less complicating things.

'Why in god's name did I have to be a complete fool in front of her' he thought later one. Nymphadora had left for some errands and he was pacing in the library completely forgetting about the book he had been trying to read for the past hour. 'What am I thinking? I shouldn't be doing this. I'm too old for such a lovely and vivacious girl. She deserves someone who can do a multitude of things and who grew up around her. We are thirteen years apart for heavens sake.' He ran his hand frustratingly through his hair. This was going to be a long night...


End file.
